I'm going to be a fish cook!!!!!!!

Holy shit! My chef just spoke with me last night and said that they are going to start training me on fish! This is amazing...Fish is the most technically difficult of all the stations, especially because we do all of our own butchering. With fish, if you make any errors in butchering or cooking it, it's obvious and it usually means that the piece of fish is ruined. As my knife skills (and cooking skills) are still pretty poor, I'm really nervous.

I feel very lucky to have ended up at Restaurant X. It's a very small kitchen (3 man line) and a very busy one. This is my first real nyc restaurant job. I started as garde manger seven months ago and then became a swing cook covering hot apps, garde manger, pastry, brunch and expo. When I walked into the place, I was a newbie fresh out of culinary school who couldn't even sharpen her own knife, let alone use it properly. I used to watch the guys on the line from my safe little garde manger corner and dream that one day I'd be good enough to step onto the line. But as I'd watch them moving in this frantically controlled ballet, choreographing (sp?) the trajectory of smoking pans...over, under, cross, behind...I'd be full of doubt. Sure that there was no way I'd ever be ready. And let's be brutally honest. The first five or so times that they tried to train me on hot apps, I went down in flames (no, not literally). I sucked and was kicked off the line. Finally, though, I held the station. That has got to be one of the best feelings ever. Pure adreneline and euphoria.

I've given up so much to become a cook. Before I started cooking, I had a wonderful boyfriend, cushy job, money and free time. Now, I'm single, broke and work almost 24/7. Worth it? I really hope so...