Like a moth to the flame...

Yesterday was a pretty good day. We weren't that busy but my station got hit pretty hard. I almost lost it a few times but was ultimately able to keep it together and get all my plates out smoothly. I'm still so new to the hot line that I'm always nevous that I'm going to get in the weeds and lose it and get kicked off the line...Sometimes I have nightmares that I'm frantically cooking but I'm forgeting things and my chef de cuisine is like "where are the pork ribs? I need a fucking pork ribs!" And I wake up freaking out because I don't have a pork ribs ready...

But last night was ok. It helps that we have such a great crew in the kitchen right now. My chef de cuisine is the best. She is an amazing person and one of the tightest cooks in Manhattan. It's great working for her because she gives me so many opportunities to do stuff that most cooks of my level (of inexperience) would never be allowed to do, like breaking down fish. The guys on the line and garde manger are awesome too. We talk a lot of shit, but I feel like we take care of each other at the same time.

And then there is my sous chef....yeah, so I'm making one of the biggest newbie cook mistakes and sleeping with my sous chef. Such a bad idea. It's one of those things that you know you shouldn't do, but you just can't help yourself. We were attracted to each other for a while, but we were both in relationships. Then those relationships fell apart and we fell in to bed. And the in bed part is wonderful. But I like him a lot more than he likes me and I kinda get the feeling that he could just walk away from the whole situation with no problem, whereas I couldn't...I know that I'm playing with fire, but...